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February 9, 2024
Cameron Russelle

How to find your purpose: 3 lessons I learned finding mine

Do you believe you have a purpose?

A reason for being?

A reason for existing?

Or do you just exist?

I’ll be honest. I don’t have the answer (if there is one). What I do have is evidence.

Evidence of how powerful the idea and pursuit of a purpose can be.

In this memo, I’m going to share how to find your purpose, from a man who found his at 24 years old.

I’ll be sharing my evidence on why I believe every man on this planet should be unreasonably committed to finding, clarifying, and executing on his felt sense of purpose.

Then I’ll unpack different tools to use for discovering your purpose.

Little side note before we start, I’m FIRED UP to be writing this memo right now. I’ve recently realized that I operate best in long-form content where I get to unpack my ideas and thinking in a single piece of content. You’ll be seeing a ton more long-form from me.

  • I started a Podcast, Boy2Man
  • I’ll be creating Youtube videos off the back of these memos, My channel
  • and of course this newsletter, Memo2Men

I have a laundry list of in-depth topics I want to cover with you guys, which I’m very confident will be extremely valuable for you in pursuit of mastery.

Why You (Will) Feel Empty And ‘Off’ Chasing Goals

Growing up I was always an ambitious (sometimes too much) boy with everything I did. I have been setting goals since I could remember, trying my hand at unconventional ways of making money… be it selling knock-off hats, making and selling vape juice in my dad’s basement, and even getting caught up in selling weed during high school, ha!

Every venture, I’d always write out goals I had for the business and make a plan on how I was going to get rich off it.

Yet time and time again what happened?

I lost interest, fell out of love very quickly with the idea of making it work then let myself get distracted with the next thing.

Truthfully… this cycle of new exciting thing → high motivation → big goals → motivation wanes → new exciting thing kept happening in my life until I found my purpose. Now looking back at why this was happening, it’s become very clear.

(If you want to detailed look at all 25 jobs & ‘businesses’ I tried, My path to purpose)

I was chasing meaningless goals (to me)

Selling vape juice to minors… what kind of meaning does one extract from this?

The only meaning they ever really gave me was a means to make money, but as much as I wanted money, my actions constantly reflected I valued growth, progress, and fulfillment over money.

This showed me a huge lesson that has now been repeatedly confirmed through the data I collect from other men:

The majority of goals you set are meaningless and the only true meaning (if any) is in the pursuit of the goal, not the goal itself.

So back to you. Why do I say you will feel empty chasing your goals?

The goals you currently have set for yourself are most likely not goals you truly care about, quite frankly, they most likely aren’t even your goals. They are taken from society as pre-programmed goals we ‘should’ have without strong consideration if they align with you.

To live a meaningful life, we must have a self-generated purpose that possesses personal significance rather than one that is dictated by society's standards and expectations. Tal Ben-shahar.

One step further, if you have reflected on the goals you have and they seem aligned but haven’t examined the principles & values you live by, then you may be aligning goals to unaligned principles & values, leading to a similar conclusion.

An unexamined life is not worth living — Socrates

Here’s where it gets interesting:

For those who can’t see past your current goals in life, almost like they are seemingly at the horizon of your life, then you will most likely find the goals, regardless of what they are, to be more fulfilling and have a higher sense of meaning than if you see something more for yourself past these goals. Yet this is also a scary place to be as you may end up climbing the wrong mountain just to summit and realize it wasn’t what you wanted in the first place, something called 1st mountain goals.

When you’re finally wealthy, you’ll realize that isn’t what you were seeking in the first place. But that’s for another day — Naval Ravikant, How to get rich tweetstorm

Whereas I’ve been fortunate to be the opposite, I would always run the projections out so far into the future that the goals would get boring because I was what was potentially headed towards if I kept on this path.

BUT it seems to not always be like this, as this is where purpose comes in, true passion. When do this future pacing exercise and the results come back just as exciting, ideally even more exciting, that’s where purpose hangs out.

Then what?

Let’s test this on your own life right now using the “then what?” question. Here’s how it works, take whatever goals you have right now. Visualize them in detail, and imagine what your life will be like once you’ve hit the goals…. Got it?

now ask the question, then what?

What do you do with yourself now that you achieved the farthest thing out you could see? What’s on the other side of this?

Are you sitting in your nice house with the Lambo parked out front just hanging around?

Is it you running a business you don’t love but have millions of dollars?

How does it feel? How do you feel?

If you came back feeling empty-handed… you might be chasing the wrong goals AND that’s okay, time to re-orient to the real goal of life.

Redefining The Ultimate Game We’re Playing

So if the money, cars, women, nice things, and retiring at 35 isn’t the goal of life… what is?

Put simply, it’s mastery. Mastery of one’s self and environment, to express the best version of yourself, moment to moment.

Starting with the very nature of humans, back 300,000 years as hunter-gatherers.

Do you know who survived and was rewarded with reproduction? Only the best. When you run into another tribe or a Jaguar attacks, the weakling is the first to go. Similarly, they had to become masters at understanding the lands, the growth patterns, seasons, animals, trees, bushes, etc. otherwise they’re starving or eating the wrong food. There was even evidence back then of tribes killing off or leaving the sick & old members.

Mastery is built into our very DNA. But jerking off to half-naked woman online like a loser, isn’t, weird.

Fast forward to some wise mentors who can help us clear things up further.

First, we’re going to jump in the time machine and go back 2500 years to meet with Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher and polymath.

We land right inside Plato’s Academy where Aristotle was studying…

We approach Aristotle to cut right to the deep question: What is the meaning of life?

Aristotle responds without hesitation: The summum bonum (or “highest good”) of life is to live with what the ancient Greeks (and Stoics) called eudaimonia.

This is one of my favorite words since learning it. Eudaimonia translates to a sense of happiness, but not the happiness we think of in this world. It’s “experiencing the joy of fulfilling your highest potential”.

Fast forward to the modern day and we have Abraham Maslow, who studied what made us tick, what made us flourish the most, and gave us that clear sense of purpose and fulfillment. Abraham then came up with what we now know as the hierarchy of needs.

At the top of this is self-actualization. “What one can be, one must be” as Abe brilliantly said.

That is it, gents. Mastery. To fulfill your greatest potential here on earth, whatever that may be. It’s not a specific business, car, house, etc. It’s doing what you know to your core, is the best you can become.

Now, how do we do this? Well, that’s a big question. However, if we go back to our mentors, they have some evidence of what tends to work better than others… hint it’s not hitting a vape or sending selfies on Snapchat to girls all day.

How To Play The Ultimate Game, Well

Let’s ask Aristotle again: How do we live with eudaimonia?

Aristotle responds with one word: Aretḗ.

The word Aretḗ translates loosely to excellence or virtue but the better translation and closer to what Aristotle was referring to was expressing the best version of yourself moment to moment to moment.

When we live with Aretḗ, we’re closing the gap between who we’re capable of being vs. who we’re actually being.

And… the feeling that comes following this?

That’s the eudaimonic joy we’ve all felt before…

It’s like we become fully connected to our highest self, our soul, our daimon, and really God.

Reflection: Take a moment to think back to the last time you felt like you showed up as your best, most dominant self as a man. Now take that feeling and imagine if you could live the rest of your life with that feeling, that version of yourself showing up more and more often.

Empowering you to move from boy to man, from Demon to Daimon, to close the gap, and show up more and more consistently as your best, most dominant version of yourself is literally the ENTIRE goal of AboveMen. Let’s to work, brother.

Now I want to bring another mentor into the picture. Martin Seligman, founder of the positive psychology movement. Martin studied many of the ancient philosophies and religions around the world, including Christianity, Judaism, and Islam to ancient Greek philosophers, Taoism, Confucianism, Hinduism, and Buddhism.

And across ALL OF THEM… they all said the same time in different ways on how to play the ultimate game well: Live with virtue.

Now you might be asking… what virtues should I live with?

Well… I got some for you right here.

These are a combination of Aristotle and the Greeks mixed with Seligman’s universal virtues we noted across all the philosophies he studied. My mentor, Brian Johnson, turned them into a core 8, which just so happens to beautifully map to a compass as Brain created the ‘Virtue Compass’

The Universal Virtues Of Self-Actualizers

  1. Wisdom — Knowing the ultimate game and playing it well
  2. Discipline — Executing on what needs to be done, irrespective of emotion
  3. Love — The highest vibrational emotion. Practicing joy, connection, and encouragement
  4. Courage — Acting in the face of fear
  5. Hope — Having a clear goal, willingness to do what it takes, and multiple paths to the goal
  6. Curiosity — Practicing reflection on the past and future
  7. Zest — Practicing the fundamentals of health to be filled with energy
  8. Gratitude — Appreciating the blessing of your life often

If you were to start with these and these ONLY… you’d be on a great trajectory to experiencing Eudaimonia more often.

Maslow’s Self-Actualizer Characteristics

Atop of the universal virtues, Maslow outlined 19 characteristics he observed across all the self-actualizers he studied. They might be worth considering :)

  1. Perception of Reality: These individuals tend to have a “superior relationship with reality” and are “generally unthreatened and unfrightened by the unknown.” In fact, “They accept it, are comfortable with it, and, often are even more attracted by it than by the known. They not only tolerate the ambiguous and unstructured—they like it.”
  2. Acceptance: “Even the normal member of our culture feels unnecessarily guilty or ashamed about too many things and has anxiety in too many situations. Our healthy individuals find it possible to accept themselves and their own nature without chagrin or complaint or, for that matter, without even thinking about the matter that much.”
  3. Spontaneity: The behavior of the self-actualizing individual is “marked by simplicity and naturalness, and by lack of artificiality or straining for effect.”
  4. Problem Centering: Self-actualizers customarily have some “mission in life.”
  5. Solitude: Self-actualizing individuals “positively like solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person.”
  6. Autonomy: “They have become strong enough to be independent of the good opinion of other people, or even of their affection. The honors, the status, the rewards, the popularity, the prestige, and the love they can bestow must have become less important than self-development and inner growth.”
  7. Fresh Appreciation: “Self-actualizing people have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others.”
  8. Peak Experiences: It’s been called “flow” or “being in the zone.” Whatever you want to call it, self-actualizers tend to experience it more often than average.
  9. Human Kinship: “Self-actualizing people have a deep feeling of identification, sympathy, and affection for human beings in general. They feel kinship and connection, as if all people were members of a single family.” … “Self-actualizing individuals have a genuine desire to help the human race.”
  10. Humility and Respect: All of Maslow’s subjects “may be said to be democratic people in the deepest sense… they can be friendly with anyone of suitable character, regardless of class, education, political belief, race or color. As a matter of fact it often seems as if they are not aware of these differences, which are for the average person so obvious and so important.”
  11. Interpersonal Relationships: “Self-actualizing people have these especially deep ties with rather few individuals. Their circle of friends is rather small. The ones that they love profoundly are few in number.”
  12. Ethics: “They do right and do not do wrong. Needless to say, their notions of right and wrong and of good and evil are often not the conventional ones.”
  13. Means and Ends: “They are fixed on ends rather than on means, and means are quite definitely subordinated to these ends.”
  14. Humor: “They do not consider funny what the average person considers to be funny. Thus they do not laugh at hostile humor (making people laugh by hurting someone) or superiority humor (laughing at someone else’s inferiority) or authority-rebellion humor (the unfunny, Oedipal, or smutty joke).”
  15. Creativity: “This is a universal characteristic of all the people studied or observed. There is no exception.”
  16. Resistance to Enculturation: “Of all of them it may be said that in a certain profound and meaningful sense they resist enculturation and maintain a certain inner detachment from the culture in which they are immersed.”
  17. Imperfections: Actualizers “show many of the lesser human failings. They too are equipped with silly, wasteful, or thoughtless habits. They can be boring, stubborn, and irritating. They are by no means free from a rather superficial vanity, pride, and partiality to their own productions, family, friends, and children. Temper outbursts are not rare.”
  18. Values: “A firm foundation for a value system is automatically furnished to self-actualizers by their philosophic acceptance of the nature of self, of human nature, of much of social life, and of nature and physical reality.”
  19. Resolution of Dichotomies: “The dichotomy between selfishness and unselfishness disappears altogether in healthy people because in principle every act is both selfish and unselfish.”

First off, I LOVE reading these time and time again. FIRES ME UP. How about you?

Second, did anything within those that stood out to you? Pretty much all 8 virtues are woven into Maslow’s characteristics.

So to conclude the ultimate game we’re playing: Eudaimonia via Arete. To close the gap between who we’re capable of being vs. who we’re actually being. To realize all one can be. To self-actualize by putting our virtues in action. Today & Forever.

Moving From 1st to 2nd Mountain Goals

We know what the ultimate game is now, and how to play it well. It’s time to re-think our goals and get one step closer to feeling a deep sense of purpose in your life.

To start this journey there’s a brilliant concept of climbing 2 mountains in life by David Brooks. The idea is this, like we’ve explored, most of the world is stuck climbing the 1st mountain, which I like to call “Surviving well”.

The issue is 99% of people never summit this mountain to realize they were on the wrong mountain in the first place, which is exactly why 99% of people THINK money, cars, and materialistic things are the ultimate game.

However, we’ve now discovered that’s just not the case, and here’s a great illustration of what makes our society tick.

(insert lotto ad)

This is where the 2nd mountain enters: This is pursuing purpose, and fulfillment via meaningful goals… and guess what? You don’t have to summit the 1st before climbing the 2nd AND you never summit this mountain. You’re now playing the infinite game as James P. Carse then later, Simon Sinek talks about.

The goal of the 2nd mountain is just to be CLIMBING IT or playing the game, that’s the prize! As long as you’re playing the game, you’re winning. If we take this concept and pair it with Arete, it makes sense…. It’s about being the best version of us, not achieving it. To achieve is to finish. There is no finish line until die. Memento Mori.

Yet of course, you still want to find alignment with a meaningful goal to play the ultimate game within, and this is where the idea of ‘finding purpose’ lays. It resides within setting up a HUGE target for us to go after for life… maybe that target changes with the chapters of our life, but it’s felt sense of purpose we’re looking for which we can joyfully play the ultimate game within.

So whether you play the game as a CEO of a woman’s non-profit, a Shaman that takes men through spiritual journeys OR a for-profit business owner that impacts millions with their product… the choice is yours, but now within the lens of fulfillment and alignment

However, figuring out what goals or roles will be isn’t as simple as throwing darts at a wall and seeing what sticks, but let’s explore how to find an answer for you, now.

Expectation Setting For Your 2nd Mountain Goals

Timing: If you’re reading this far, you may feel more confusion and uncertainty then clarity and that’s okay. Quite frankly it’s normal when you come to these conclusions as I have years ago. These periods of ‘wandering’ are completely normal when you’ve poised yourself with this new challenge of figuring out ‘What is my purpose?’

Do not feel rushed to know this answer. For context, it took me about 6-7 months once I firmly decided to figure out my 2nd mountain. Now I wasn’t just sitting around all day thinking but I took periods to reflect, hold an empty mind, etc. Then when it starts to form you need to further crystallize it - more on this in a second.

Sense of: A small distinction I want to make here is the idea of a set purpose vs. a sense of purpose. Both stem from the same source, God, but one feels static and out of our control (set), while the other feels flowy and in our control (sense of). I believe it’s the latter that we’re after. You are choosing what gives you a sense of purpose. Whether that’s pre-destined for you or not… that’s for another conversation. However, you must do the work to seek out what gives this sense of purpose to then commit yourself to.

Thinking required: If you want to truly nail your 2nd mountain goal and find a deep sense of purpose, you need to be able to think clearly. This sounds obvious but in today’s world, our brains our overloaded and don’t have the proper space to think effectively on big topics like this. Here’s a great video to think better by a mentor of mine, Sam Ovens, on making decisions: Watch here (Part 1: reduce load is most important here to free up space to think) Another path most men today aren’t walking is the path of solitude. Spending time alone is vital to quieting the mind. Try this: Send the first 30-60 minutes of your mornings doing nothing for 7 days and see what happens with thoughts. 

What It Feels Like To Pursue 2nd Mountain Goals

I think it’s important to share my experience of life since stepping into this new version of myself that has clarity on his purpose and mission in life.

Put simply, my life has NEVER been as joyful, challenging, and awe-inspiring as it is right now. I’m completely in love with life. I love all the challenges that come into my world of starting this business, AboveMen. I feel a deep sense of fulfillment on most days (I still have bad days, those don’t go away, trust me). I have a loving relationship with myself and a beautiful woman. I’ve built up the strongest discipline I’ve ever had in my life. I’m free from the chains of my phone, porn, drugs, and shit food. I have zero desire to engage in any of those as my mission and purpose is so exciting and big. I’ve made more money than ever before and it’s only continuing to climb. I’ve gotten more praise and respect from the people around me than ever before. In summary, I can’t point to one area of my life that hasn’t 10x’d from aligning my life with a deep sense of purpose and a clear mission to go after. Which is why I want the same for you. Keep going.

Ikigai: A Portal To Purpose

Ikigai is a Japanese concept referring to something that gives a person a sense of purpose, a reason for living.

Now the cool part of the Ikigai is the Japs went one set further to create a framework for us to narrow our focus.

So there’s 4 parts:

  • What do you love doing
  • What are you good at
  • What can you get paid for
  • What is needed in the world

What do you love doing

You might not have a lot under this, and that’s okay. I see this as you’ve either not tried enough OR you already have your answer clearly stated.

What are you good at

To expand on this, what are you good at OR what are you willing to learn and get good at? Skills aren’t static, and if you’re aiming to pursue a purpose for 10-50+ years, any skill can be learned with a desire to learn it.

What can you get paid for

This virtual can be anything now with the internet. Don’t let money stop you from pursuing a purpose you’re highly passionate about.

What is needed in the world

THIS. THIS ONE IS BIG. I would try to align your love & needs as much as you can. Look at this as trends or gaps in the world. Where is the world shifting towards and needs help growing into or what is the world missing and needs leaders like you to help fill the gap?

For me, here’s my Ikigai as of now.

  1. What do I love? I love to learn, create, teach, and coach on health, mindset, masculinity, and relationships. I get extremely energized and fulfilled when I sit down 1:1 with a man and listen deeply about his situation with a girl he’s dating or self-image issue and then provide guidance on what he needs to shift… I’m getting fired up just thinking about it.
  2. What am I good at? Well, I’d like to think I’m great at teaching complex topics and bringing them into solidified concepts that I can install into another man's life. (You can be the judge)
  3. What does the world need right now? Needs strong, masculine men… BADLY.
  4. What will people pay for? A healthy ripped body, discipline, confidence in themselves, clarity on their goals, and a loving relationship.

Take a piece of paper out, draw the 4 circles, and sit with it for an hour. Write everything that comes to mind. Then keep this close by… over the coming weeks and maybe even months, random ideas will come to add to the diagram, and write it down ASAP.

Other questions to consider

  • What would I be willing to commit the rest of my life to? (This is the question that changed it all for me. When I really thought it this way, there was only a handful of answers remaining)
  • What problems have you solved for yourself? (You are most powerfully in position to help your former self)
  • What would I do If I never go paid?
  • What would I do if I never go any external validation for?
  • What do you research/read about most?

Eventually, a picture will start to emerge. You will begin to envision a reality where you’re in a new role with new goals, and they get you fired up, and inspired from the inside out. This is the sense of purpose forming. Here’s what to do next.

What To Do When This New Reality Emerges.

You act on it. Start forming a thesis on what you need to do to make this vision a reality.

What actions must be taken?

Who do you need to become?

What would the first couple of targets you set, look like?

When I was in the very early stages of incubating AboveMen I felt in this very weird place mentally, but looking back this was the very process needed to forge a purpose worth going after.

When I decided I wasn’t going to stick with my two partners at the video agency, I told myself… I had to figure this out once and for all… I was done jumping around from thing to thing feeling like I didn’t belong.

So over the next 7-9 months I slowly transitioned into this new reality where AboveMen exists. It started as one thing and then transformed, here’s what it looked like:

  1. Helping skinny guys become shredded and add on muscle → Felt too shallow for me (I wanted more)
  2. Helping skinny entrepreneurs become shredded → My first client was this… so maybe?
  3. Helping entrepreneurs avoid burnout and optimize their help & performance → more encompassing. This started to feel better, but I don’t want to just cater to entrepreneurs long term. (Still using this pillar)
  4. Helping young men become the best, most dominant version of themselves by mastering themselves → Where my vision for AboveMen is today

It’s important to note, I wouldn’t have been able to get to point 4 without the evolutions of the first 3.

So when the first idea comes around, act on it, start engaging with it until a new piece of the puzzle is shown, then don’t be afraid to iterate to the next revolution.

This could potentially be what you do for the rest of your life.

Here’s to finding your purpose…

And acting on it today.

With LOVE + GRATITUDE,

Cameron, Your Big Brother.

Ps. This after I wrote this memo, so much more was pouring out of me to talk about around purpose, goals, and finding fulfillment. Don't take this as a complete guide in any regards, it's merely a collection of thoughts around the idea of finding purpose, incomplete at that. I'll be writing another soon.

Got feedback or want my thoughts on something I didn't cover? Find me on Instagram @camrusselle.